My question involves a child custody case from the State of: VA
I have posted before. It's a complicated situation so if something isn't clear please ask.
TEXAS CPS removed three of my four children due to mental health concerns (myself) and a history of substance abuse (my husband)and placed them with their grandparents in VA. My husband and I agreed to give them custody and have TX close their CPS case, with the off-the-record agreement that we would move to VA, get on our feet and they would give us back custody. The case was officially closed in TX this summer and we four adults share joint legal custody, with the grandparents having physical custody.
Of course, we moved here, established ourselves, etc and now the grandparents (who are receiving nearly $2000/month in stipend and benefits for the three kids) do not want to give them back. They have violated the court order numerous times, denying visitation, prohibiting phone contact, making a scene and calling police when we come to the school/doctor appts to name a few. We have been in VA and stable for over a year, with plenty of proof that the issues TX claimed we had, are non-issues. I have had a psych eval done, am in therapy, my husband has clean random drug tests through work. We have added the kids to his health insurance, have never missed a visit in 14 months, are successfully parenting our 10 month old, are active in our religious community. The g'parents are vicious and spiteful and even their own friends have commented that their behavior makes no sense.
Two weeks ago during a visit there was a disagreement about vaccines. Hubby and I have a religious objection to certain vaccines and provided my parents with a religious exemption form so that our 4 yo could be enrolled in preschool. My father said that he didn't give a you know what about what we said and that would "stick her as much as I want" as soon as they left the visit, just to be spiteful. We withheld her at the end of the visit, a Saturday, (ONLY her, not our other two) and went to court first thing when the weekend was over. During the course of the weekend, she disclosed to us that she had been molested. She couldn't or wouldn't name who had done it but was very sure of *what* had been done. The Judge ordered her to return home but said that at any time if CPS felt the need to remove they would do so. A forensic interview confirmed that she had been touched inappropriately, but the details of "who" remain sketchy, so since she didn't name either g'parent as a perp, they didn't have grounds to remove her. A GAL has been appointed. The Judge scheduled a custody hearing for the 19th which is next Friday. Our attorney is no longer affordable to us so we are trying to prepare for court ourselves.
I went down to the court today and filed for custody of my other two (which we had intended to do anyway) and also filed 8 motions to show cause for the various infractions of the court order. And here is where I need help.
I have never sat through a real custody hearing. I am someone who likes to be prepared as possible. I'd like to know, pla by play, how it will go. Who usually speaks first? Will the g'parents be given a public defender? What type of evidence can I use? For example, I have recorded phone conversations where the grandparents call us names, belittle us in front of the children, refuse to give info that we have the right to (such as the day and time of a parent teacher conference, for example.) I have emails showing the same. I have photos of bruises and pinch marks on my children, and email proof that CPS did not investigate earlier, when we asked them to. Obviously I'm close to this case so I may not be objective. I need help weeding out what is important to the judge, and what looks petty or whiny.
I also am thinking of subpoenaing (is that a word?) witnesses who can testify to my parents' behavior. These people are friends of my parents who have accompanied them on visitation, or who babysit my children. Is this a good or bad idea? If I do bring in witnesses who are friends of mine, could they just be witnesses as to the character of my husband and I, vs the character of my parents? I'm specifically thinking of an incident where my mother physically assaulted my friend. Would this kind of testimony be helpful to us, or just as I said, look petty?
I have also been researching and reading up on case law. Would it be helpful to quote relevant cases that had our desired outcome, to the judge? To say something like, the law has a presumption in favor of the parents, if the parents are fit, which we are, and here is the proof? Also, I read about the tender years principle. Would that apply to us since the youngest child living with the grandparents is only 2.5 years old? Where does the sibling bond come into play? Our 10 month old adores her big brother and sisters, and they her. Does a young child's preference hold any weight? Our oldest is only 6.
I'm sure people will say, "well CPS took your kids away, you must be the bad guys." I assure you, we are not. I have been told countless times by caseworkers in Virginia that had this situation begun here, my children would have never spent a night away from home. No offense to the Texans on this board, but they grossly overreacted, fueled, as I later found out, by lies my mother told them. It is what it is, but I just say that to say my husband and I truly are the best we can be for our children.
Any help would be much appreciated!
I have posted before. It's a complicated situation so if something isn't clear please ask.
TEXAS CPS removed three of my four children due to mental health concerns (myself) and a history of substance abuse (my husband)and placed them with their grandparents in VA. My husband and I agreed to give them custody and have TX close their CPS case, with the off-the-record agreement that we would move to VA, get on our feet and they would give us back custody. The case was officially closed in TX this summer and we four adults share joint legal custody, with the grandparents having physical custody.
Of course, we moved here, established ourselves, etc and now the grandparents (who are receiving nearly $2000/month in stipend and benefits for the three kids) do not want to give them back. They have violated the court order numerous times, denying visitation, prohibiting phone contact, making a scene and calling police when we come to the school/doctor appts to name a few. We have been in VA and stable for over a year, with plenty of proof that the issues TX claimed we had, are non-issues. I have had a psych eval done, am in therapy, my husband has clean random drug tests through work. We have added the kids to his health insurance, have never missed a visit in 14 months, are successfully parenting our 10 month old, are active in our religious community. The g'parents are vicious and spiteful and even their own friends have commented that their behavior makes no sense.
Two weeks ago during a visit there was a disagreement about vaccines. Hubby and I have a religious objection to certain vaccines and provided my parents with a religious exemption form so that our 4 yo could be enrolled in preschool. My father said that he didn't give a you know what about what we said and that would "stick her as much as I want" as soon as they left the visit, just to be spiteful. We withheld her at the end of the visit, a Saturday, (ONLY her, not our other two) and went to court first thing when the weekend was over. During the course of the weekend, she disclosed to us that she had been molested. She couldn't or wouldn't name who had done it but was very sure of *what* had been done. The Judge ordered her to return home but said that at any time if CPS felt the need to remove they would do so. A forensic interview confirmed that she had been touched inappropriately, but the details of "who" remain sketchy, so since she didn't name either g'parent as a perp, they didn't have grounds to remove her. A GAL has been appointed. The Judge scheduled a custody hearing for the 19th which is next Friday. Our attorney is no longer affordable to us so we are trying to prepare for court ourselves.
I went down to the court today and filed for custody of my other two (which we had intended to do anyway) and also filed 8 motions to show cause for the various infractions of the court order. And here is where I need help.
I have never sat through a real custody hearing. I am someone who likes to be prepared as possible. I'd like to know, pla by play, how it will go. Who usually speaks first? Will the g'parents be given a public defender? What type of evidence can I use? For example, I have recorded phone conversations where the grandparents call us names, belittle us in front of the children, refuse to give info that we have the right to (such as the day and time of a parent teacher conference, for example.) I have emails showing the same. I have photos of bruises and pinch marks on my children, and email proof that CPS did not investigate earlier, when we asked them to. Obviously I'm close to this case so I may not be objective. I need help weeding out what is important to the judge, and what looks petty or whiny.
I also am thinking of subpoenaing (is that a word?) witnesses who can testify to my parents' behavior. These people are friends of my parents who have accompanied them on visitation, or who babysit my children. Is this a good or bad idea? If I do bring in witnesses who are friends of mine, could they just be witnesses as to the character of my husband and I, vs the character of my parents? I'm specifically thinking of an incident where my mother physically assaulted my friend. Would this kind of testimony be helpful to us, or just as I said, look petty?
I have also been researching and reading up on case law. Would it be helpful to quote relevant cases that had our desired outcome, to the judge? To say something like, the law has a presumption in favor of the parents, if the parents are fit, which we are, and here is the proof? Also, I read about the tender years principle. Would that apply to us since the youngest child living with the grandparents is only 2.5 years old? Where does the sibling bond come into play? Our 10 month old adores her big brother and sisters, and they her. Does a young child's preference hold any weight? Our oldest is only 6.
I'm sure people will say, "well CPS took your kids away, you must be the bad guys." I assure you, we are not. I have been told countless times by caseworkers in Virginia that had this situation begun here, my children would have never spent a night away from home. No offense to the Texans on this board, but they grossly overreacted, fueled, as I later found out, by lies my mother told them. It is what it is, but I just say that to say my husband and I truly are the best we can be for our children.
Any help would be much appreciated!
Grandparents and Third Parties: Taking Custody Back from Grandparents
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