My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Washington.
My daughter is 9. Her dad filed a parenting plan last month. Now maybe this was all wrong of me, but I have actually encouraged him for years to do so. We've had so many issues, so much miscommunication, so many times of him flaking out and my daughter being heartbroken. He's been inconsistent her whole life, finally I told him if he wants to continue to see her, he needs to file so he finally did. I thought it was in the best interest of my daughter for visitation to be documented, so she can know for herself when he is/isn't supposed to see her. In the past, she has tried to blame me when he has missed time. It makes no sense, but as a child, I understand where she's coming from. She's hurt & upset & I'm the only one there to take her frustrations out on. Frankly, I'm sick of it now though so that's why I pushed for this.
Despite his flakiness, we've been on fairly good terms for the most part. He has spent almost every holiday at my house for the past year. He's loaned my husband guitar books, they have jammed together, etc. Now that he has finally filed the plan, his behavior has been a complete 180. He refuses to really speak to me about our daughter at all, except for when he wants her, then he acts demanding. I comply and let him see her, but I don't feel good about it since at the same time he says things like, "You think you run things and dictate things, & I'm sick of it." I try to get him to be more specific, but he just says, "Take it to the judge." In fact, that's now his favorite line whenever I try to communicate. I'm honestly confused, because the one and only thing we disagree on is him having overnights. Other than that, he takes her whenever he wants, even if that means my husband and I have to cancel plans we've made with her. (Which is the case today, in fact). I set up a Tango account on my daughter's iPad so she can communicate with her dad whenever she wants and doesn't have to go through me. I've made every effort, IMO. The reason I don't want her to stay overnight is because he lives in a 3-bedroom with his girlfriend and her 3 children. Every other weekend, he has his other daughter, so that's 4 children. He wants my daughter to stay overnight in a 3 bedroom house, a total of 5 children, 2 adults, my daughter sharing a room with his girlfriend's daughters and her half-sister, apparently. (I'm not sure of the exact proposed set-up). Only 1 child is male. On top of that, he works at night. So most of the time, he wouldn't even be there. I'm a SAHM. I see no reason why my daughter should be overnight with his girlfriend when she could be home in her own bed. They also eat incredibly unhealthy while we shell out a good sum to serve organic food. (Don't know if that matters for a judge, probably not).
THE IMPORTANT PART:
So in the plan that he filed, he asked for her every weekend. Fridays, he picks her up from school, Sundays I pick her up from him. Holidays are odd/even, including birthdays. I vehemently disagree with this because like I said above, he has spent most holidays in the past with us because he has nowhere to go. Also, we live 7 min from each other so on the rare occasions where he did have somewhere to go, he'd have her half the holiday, I'd have her the other half. There's no way I'm just not gonna see my child every holiday! Why shouldn't we both be able to see her?! He also said in the plan that we meet halfway for pickups/drop-offs on holidays, which again I find so silly because we live only a few min apart. Another reason I disagree is again, because of the overnight issue. I also don't think he should have her every weekend when my husband and I spend our weekdays taxiing her to/from school on the other side of town and to all her extracurriculars. I want time on the weekend to do fun things.
My daughter told me 2 days ago that he told her he is revising the plan so I have her 1 week, he has her the next, etc. Firstly, I don't agree with him discussing these things with her. Secondly, again, the overnight thing is an issue for me with all those people in the house, plus the fact he works at night. I think his girlfriend gets section 8 to live in the house they live in. He told me for months that they were getting a 3 bedroom house and I always asked him why not a bigger one, there are plenty of houses in the area with 4 or 5 bedrooms that you can find for the same price. He said something to me about income restrictions and if "they" knew he lived there, she wouldn't be qualified. So it's not even legal for him to live there, can a judge then order my daughter to? It's welfare fraud. I am also concerned because he has told me he doesn't like their children. He called them brats. He's said before that he wants to move to get away from them but has since done a 180 after filing. I've asked him why he is with her if he doesn't like her kids. I said her kids deserve better than that and he should give her the chance to find someone who will love her kids. I would not be with my husband if he didn't love my child. It makes me so sad for those kids.
I am explaining all this for people who have been there/done that: Is what he is asking for an actual possibility? I feel like my disagreements with it are so very valid but I need others to tell me if they are or not because I really don't want to be in for the surprise of a lifetime in court or get my ass handed to me. Do I need a lawyer? And yes, advice on how to deal with him before court is much needed because he's so hard to deal with that I want to just NOT deal with him and have him not even see her until court rolls around. I feel like I don't have to deal with someone that disrespects me, but is that the right thing to do? Will I look bad in court? Help!
My daughter is 9. Her dad filed a parenting plan last month. Now maybe this was all wrong of me, but I have actually encouraged him for years to do so. We've had so many issues, so much miscommunication, so many times of him flaking out and my daughter being heartbroken. He's been inconsistent her whole life, finally I told him if he wants to continue to see her, he needs to file so he finally did. I thought it was in the best interest of my daughter for visitation to be documented, so she can know for herself when he is/isn't supposed to see her. In the past, she has tried to blame me when he has missed time. It makes no sense, but as a child, I understand where she's coming from. She's hurt & upset & I'm the only one there to take her frustrations out on. Frankly, I'm sick of it now though so that's why I pushed for this.
Despite his flakiness, we've been on fairly good terms for the most part. He has spent almost every holiday at my house for the past year. He's loaned my husband guitar books, they have jammed together, etc. Now that he has finally filed the plan, his behavior has been a complete 180. He refuses to really speak to me about our daughter at all, except for when he wants her, then he acts demanding. I comply and let him see her, but I don't feel good about it since at the same time he says things like, "You think you run things and dictate things, & I'm sick of it." I try to get him to be more specific, but he just says, "Take it to the judge." In fact, that's now his favorite line whenever I try to communicate. I'm honestly confused, because the one and only thing we disagree on is him having overnights. Other than that, he takes her whenever he wants, even if that means my husband and I have to cancel plans we've made with her. (Which is the case today, in fact). I set up a Tango account on my daughter's iPad so she can communicate with her dad whenever she wants and doesn't have to go through me. I've made every effort, IMO. The reason I don't want her to stay overnight is because he lives in a 3-bedroom with his girlfriend and her 3 children. Every other weekend, he has his other daughter, so that's 4 children. He wants my daughter to stay overnight in a 3 bedroom house, a total of 5 children, 2 adults, my daughter sharing a room with his girlfriend's daughters and her half-sister, apparently. (I'm not sure of the exact proposed set-up). Only 1 child is male. On top of that, he works at night. So most of the time, he wouldn't even be there. I'm a SAHM. I see no reason why my daughter should be overnight with his girlfriend when she could be home in her own bed. They also eat incredibly unhealthy while we shell out a good sum to serve organic food. (Don't know if that matters for a judge, probably not).
THE IMPORTANT PART:
So in the plan that he filed, he asked for her every weekend. Fridays, he picks her up from school, Sundays I pick her up from him. Holidays are odd/even, including birthdays. I vehemently disagree with this because like I said above, he has spent most holidays in the past with us because he has nowhere to go. Also, we live 7 min from each other so on the rare occasions where he did have somewhere to go, he'd have her half the holiday, I'd have her the other half. There's no way I'm just not gonna see my child every holiday! Why shouldn't we both be able to see her?! He also said in the plan that we meet halfway for pickups/drop-offs on holidays, which again I find so silly because we live only a few min apart. Another reason I disagree is again, because of the overnight issue. I also don't think he should have her every weekend when my husband and I spend our weekdays taxiing her to/from school on the other side of town and to all her extracurriculars. I want time on the weekend to do fun things.
My daughter told me 2 days ago that he told her he is revising the plan so I have her 1 week, he has her the next, etc. Firstly, I don't agree with him discussing these things with her. Secondly, again, the overnight thing is an issue for me with all those people in the house, plus the fact he works at night. I think his girlfriend gets section 8 to live in the house they live in. He told me for months that they were getting a 3 bedroom house and I always asked him why not a bigger one, there are plenty of houses in the area with 4 or 5 bedrooms that you can find for the same price. He said something to me about income restrictions and if "they" knew he lived there, she wouldn't be qualified. So it's not even legal for him to live there, can a judge then order my daughter to? It's welfare fraud. I am also concerned because he has told me he doesn't like their children. He called them brats. He's said before that he wants to move to get away from them but has since done a 180 after filing. I've asked him why he is with her if he doesn't like her kids. I said her kids deserve better than that and he should give her the chance to find someone who will love her kids. I would not be with my husband if he didn't love my child. It makes me so sad for those kids.
I am explaining all this for people who have been there/done that: Is what he is asking for an actual possibility? I feel like my disagreements with it are so very valid but I need others to tell me if they are or not because I really don't want to be in for the surprise of a lifetime in court or get my ass handed to me. Do I need a lawyer? And yes, advice on how to deal with him before court is much needed because he's so hard to deal with that I want to just NOT deal with him and have him not even see her until court rolls around. I feel like I don't have to deal with someone that disrespects me, but is that the right thing to do? Will I look bad in court? Help!
Establishing an Order: How to Deal W/ Her Dad in the Months Before Court / Does He Have a Chance
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